In this Live with Lisa: Candid Conversations Series, I interviewed **Tammie Daily **as we reviewed the topic: Marriage.
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**Featured Speaker Biography
Tammie Daily is a Canadian born, real estate investor and Operating Principle of multiple Colorado real estate brokerages. She, along with her husband of 25+ years, are fiercely focused on growing their financial legacy to both benefit the non-profits they are passionate about and providing a future, with options for themselves and their four adult children. Tammie has a history of growing struggling businesses to thriving entities with a focus on profit for the sake of improving the lives of those around her. Privately she is often found in her “grubbies” in her garage working on her glass art.
* Lisa: You are a very successful businesswoman, a mother of 4 and a wife. Tell us your story.*
Tammie: I grew up in Northern British Colombia, Canada. We grew up with a value of the outdoors and learned outdoor skills from an incredibly young age. Hunting, fishing, and camping were the entertainment and through this we grew strong family ties because we knew how to play together and grow strong in our skills in the outdoors. I grew up going to church and the sense of community that came through that.
At the age of 19 I packed a suitcase or two and joined YWAM (Youth With a Mission) that was based out of Lindale, Texas. There we traveled the world while living out of suitcase and often sleeping on the floor in our host churches. There we learned to navigate living in places where we had to learn new currency, unknown languages and unfamiliar travel and transit systems. This is where I first met my future husband, Brandon Daily. This time was a very bonding time as we were able to observe each other in some abnormal capacities.
After being married we took convention employment in Fort Worth Texas. Later, we accepted a relocation to Colorado. I was pregnant with our twin babies at the time.
I stayed home with my littles, Evan, Michaela, Gabriel, and Jasmine, for a few years while running a couple home based businesses and homeschooling the kids.
In 2006 I received my real estate license and was off and running as we had enrolled our kids in private school and needed an income right away to pay for it. I joined Keller Williams right out of the shoot per the recommendation of a trusted friend in the business. I was and continue to find success in the business of real estate sales. In 2007 I was offered and accepted a volunteer leadership position on our Associate Leadership Council. In 2011 I was then offered a paid leadership role in our Downtown location as an Assistant Team Leader, then the Team Leader role was quickly offered to me. During this time, I took, along with an incredible team, an office that was losing money to the top office in the state in profit and profit share. I had the honor of recruiting and hiring the highest producing agent to come to our Colorado Region to date. All the while our family was growing up, challenges with having four teenagers, marriage challenges, you get the idea. To date, I am the Owner of two top real estate offices in the state, my kids are thriving adults and I am happier in my marriage than I have ever been. The road has not always been smooth but here we are!
* Lisa: When I first met Brandon, your husband, he said to me, “It’s hard being a trophy husband.” I cracked up! Humor must play an important role in a successful marriage.*
Tammie: I think humor is important! No one is getting out of this alive so why not have some fun along the way? Not everything has to be a heavy serious conversation. I prefer to look at situations with the possibility of what can go right vs what will go wrong. Sometimes it takes more humor than other times. Brandon has always had a great sense of humor, that was part of what first attracted me to him.
* Lisa: There must have been some bumps along the way. How did you deal with them?*
Tammie: We certainly have had our bumps along the way. Maybe more like boulders that we had to par core! And we have not always navigated that well. We have said and done things to each other that has hurt a lot. Ultimately we had to each make a decision that we were committed to each other for life and that we would work on healing and becoming more whole as individuals in order to bring better people to the whole. Sometimes you are meeting 50/50 and other times you are bringing the whole 100% because the other is in a place of not being able to bring much. Having the grace to navigate that is wildly important as well as the wisdom to say when your needs are not being met. I cannot move on without bringing up forgiveness. I will talk about it later, but it is sufficient to say that forgiveness is a choice and vital to any relationship of depth.
* Lisa: How do you carve out quality time together?*
Tammie: Well this one is the easiest of the questions and only because we heard of a concept called “couch time” many years ago, it seemed like a simple solution to how we often run the Daily Corporation well but lose the intimacy of the relationship. Each day we have coffee together in our formal living room. It helps that we are both coffee fanatics and my husband home roasts our coffee to perfection! We have had this practice for probably close to 15 years. We were raising four kids (37 months between the four of them) and our life was insane! We started this practice knowing that our relationship is the cornerstone of the lives of this heard we had created. The kids knew that unless a limb was falling off that they were not to interrupt us. We probably average 15 minutes/ day, but it has proven to be an invaluable practice!
We are less disciplined with other times together, but they happen here and there. The coffee time concept was good when we had younger kids because it did not require as much planning. We scared off our share of babysitters over the years and now that our kids are grown, we do have more flexibility for overnights or longer times away.
* Lisa: Talk to us about the importance of communication.*
Tammie: I know we hear all the time what the importance of communication is, but wow did we suck at this! We could agree on a given topic and hear it like we were on opposite sides of the topic. I feel like we had a special gift with misunderstanding. Finally, after almost 26 years of marriage we are often thinking each other’s thoughts. Getting there was another part of our par core course! We got to the point that we would say things like “What I am hearing right now is super offensive but because I know you, I assume there is a misunderstanding. Can you help me understand?” This one was a long road but well worth the effort and the wait!
* Lisa: You have to learn how to apologize and forgive in marriage. In what ways can we learn to do that with our significant others?*
Tammie: In marriage you sure do need to be good at asking and giving forgiveness. I have a pet peeve when it comes to apologies. I call them “non-apologies” they go something like “I’m sorry you felt that way”! That is not an apology! Own your shit!!! Even if you did not mean to hurt the person tell them you are sorry. Then grow in understanding the other person. Off my soapbox now! I do feel like we are reaping the rewards of being able to say “I’m sorry” now as we rarely have disagreements, anymore.
* Lisa: What boundaries are important to set?*
Tammie: Boundaries is an interesting topic. One boundary that we set early on was the concept of honor. When we talk about each other to others we do not criticize or tear each other down, only positive stuff! Kind of like the concept of “praise publicly, confront privately” one I try to live by both personally as well as in my business organization.
Just having a conversation about boundaries and what ones are important to you applied and respected in marriage goes a long way.
* Lisa: When both people in the marriage are working, division of labor is tough. How did you and Brandon figure that out?*
Tammie: With us, early on there were some things that just got set based on our talents and skills and I would not consider us super traditional in our division of labor.
When we first got married neither one of us knew how to cook. I volunteered to take that on. I now do most of the cooking because well first, I have learned to like cooking and, I have a plan for how I want our diet to be executed. I prioritize healthy eating and I am willing to do the work to provide healthy home cooked meals. With that said, I have also said “no one gets skinny on my clock”.
We both care for our own cars and do our own laundry.
Remember that concept of Couch time? We often talk about the daily tasks during this time and who can handle what. Some tasks are more fluid while others are kind of set.
There have been times in life where he worked from home and times when I worked more from home. We had to adjust on things like driving the kids around based on where we were at. It has worked most of the time! However, I will tell on us a little bit, one time we went to church in separate cars. We then both came home thinking the other had the kids. We were embarrassed by our communication break down when our pastor, who is a dear friend, called us to tell us he was bringing our kids home to us! There are definitely things that get lost in the cracks at times but fortunately we still have our four kids and no one has been lost permanently 😊 We do have a general attitude of, how can we best serve each other.
* Lisa: Why is the discussion of money so important for a relationship to survive?*
Tammie: I think this is one area where we are lucky. We are close to being on the same page with how we use our money. Neither one of us are big spenders. If there is excess, we would rather invest in the future (real estate or stocks) than run out and buy stuff. We live modestly while trying to make our money work for us. Early on, when we were super broke and when I say super broke, I am not joking. Our weekly budget for groceries was $25! We had an agreement to talk with each other about any purchase over $25. Now we are not in that position, thank God! So, our number would be a lot higher than that $25. Another topic that we discuss at Couch Time.
It has been a priority of ours to teach our kids sound financial principles. It has been rewarding to hear our kids talk about their credit scores, what they are saving towards and what they are doing to invest in their futures.
* Lisa: How has faith and spirituality played a role in your marriage?*
Tammie: Faith is the number one thing that has caused us to have success in our marriage. Our shared faith has created the set of values by which we weight nearly everything. Through our time of traveling the world we both observed that faith in God is expressed in so many ways. We have both learned so much from our friends from other countries!
* Lisa: What things do you do to stay emotionally connected?*
Tammie: …I think our togetherness is the biggest factor to staying connected. We are together a lot but even when we are not, we talk a lot. I trust and respect his opinion and input on a lot of things, and I know that opinion is reciprocated.
* Lisa: Give us some tips on how to handle anger and conflict in a marriage.*
Tammie: To add to what we have talked about already I would add two things. First, respond do not react. Our emotions can be deceptive and create some big scars. Develop that filter. Second, be committed to resolving issues before going to sleep. Do not go to bed angry. Finally, eliminate the word “divorce” from the vocabulary.
* Lisa: How do you honor each other?*
Tammie: Not a new concept but the Five Languages of Love. That was helpful to learn! Brandon and I speak very different Love Languages. It really was like learning a new language, but it got easier with use. At first, I had to block it on my calendar until it became a habit. I know that sounds super robotic, but I needed programing as did he.
Learn More about **Tammie Daily **here:
- Email: firstname.lastname@example.org
- Cell: 303-818-1420
- Operating Principle at Keller Williams Realty Urban Elite and Keller Williams Southwest Associates
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